“Gari iko poa, dere yuko smart, konda ni msawa lakini abiria
ni sumbua. Iko nini?”
I saw this in a matatu a while back, and only recently did
it make sense for me…because let’s face it: Magari mob hazikuwangi poa, dere hakuangi
smart na konda huwa ako tricky. I don’t know what it is with Ngara-Eastleigh
matatus, but after 7pm, things take a serious roundabout sharp turn (what?)
Conductors are intoxicated, drivers are rude, and the matatus are as rickety as
a cricket (again, what?) But Alas! This past Saturday, the Lord had me board
this excellent matatu plying the Mombasa road route. I have not been the same.
Someone had suggested that I go get a matatu at Railways Bus
Station, but I think the man upstairs was guiding me a good one, because as
soon as I got into one Babu Royal Swift, I reached! First point of excitement,
LEGROOM! Sufficient legroom! Only six footers will understand why this would
take someone to cloud nine (apart from Bro. Ochola’s prowess, of course.) Halafu
konda was clean, he was even wearing a Bluetooth device! Imagine. I am sure
dere alikuwa nayo pia. I felt safe.
Rarely do I encounter such kondas. This one was calm, cool
and collected. He did not shout, “Pesa mkononi, na mjue sina change. Coins tafadhali!!”
Sigh! On my ride to town this morning, there was a sticker, “Ujinga ni kutoa
thao na fare ni mbao.” You would never find such on Royal Swift. Here you find
the ones that say, “Customer is king” or “Hakuna stage ya ten bob” or “Why
settle for less, when you can have more?” I leaned back on my clean bedbug-free
seat and smiled.
When we got to the Nyayo Stadium roundabout, Safaricom sent
me a text, “Dear Customer, your Data Bundle is almost finished. Dial *544# to
check your data bundle balance.” Lakini Safaricom wako na ufala! Just when you
are about to update something meaningful like the pure awesomeness of Babu
Royal Swift, they do this. Then ghafla bin vu! I see this;
Name: Babu
Password: babybabu01
Could it be true? Second point of excitement: WIFI! Wait,
does it work? The Rongai mats have usernames and passwords but almost never
work. I hear their sockets work though; at least you can charge your phone. I
tested it, OMG it works! WORKING WIFI! Sema kuupdate picha tatu Instagram
zikifuatana, and linking them to all social media profiles?! You know how
Instagram sucks up data bundles? I wasn’t about to take chances! I looked
around and wondered why everyone was so calm even with such a gift, given
freely, like salvation (I was later told, wamezoea. That Route 33 matatus are
always stepping up) I was having such a good time with this super fast wifi
that when the konda shouted,”Sameer!” I felt like telling him, “Si hapa!” I
alighted and asked him if he knew where Purpose Centre Church is. While he was
busy pointing at corners and instructing on which dirt path to take, my last
photo uploaded. Ha! Oh, did I mention they also had surveillance. Weh!
 |
| See the camera on the right? |
So apparently us people from Ngara, Parky and Eastleigh have
been missing out, eh? Isorait. I hope someone from the Eastleigh Sacco reads
this.
