How I Almost Met Your Father Too

I was watching 'The Wedding Show' a few years ago when I heard one of the most interesting stories about #HowIMetYourMother. The man described how he was attracted to his wife's long fingers before he even saw her. They were in a matatu and I imagine it was one of those rough rides. A sudden braking could have had the woman holding on to dear life, and as they say, they rest is history.

The last thing I usually want is to be hit on in a matatu. At night. Priss. Let me collect #MatatuChronicles data in peace, better yet sleep or read a book (Wajuaji, we are reading on Kindle or e Reader Prestigio). This past week however, something happened.

First of all, let me apologize. I boarded a matatu that was already full. I know, shame on me - but imagine it was 2130hours and I was really tired. I didn't even know it was full because when you ask the conductor "Kuna kiti?" He says, "Mingi! Hata huwezi maliza madam!" Then you get in and realize Ala? There are many seats alright, 66 in some cases, but what you should really ask is if there is an unoccupied seat. Not a free seat, an unoccupied seat. Again, these conductors can be very smart mouthed. 

So yeah, got in, all these tired eyes are looking at me those ones for, "Aren't you that Matatu Chronicles chic who always tells people not to get into a matatu that's full because no one wants your butt on/in their faces? See your miserable self!" But me I was carrying mangoes so I wasn't gonna get into a fight with anyone and lose this preciousness that Mo gave me with a clean (h)eart (That's a shout out  to the one Kamba friend who cares for me 😂). Right. My butt is there on someone's face as the journey continues.

Along the way, we pick more people and I just want to cry because that means I have to keep moving further back the aisle and inconvenience these seated saints. I start thinking happy thoughts like how when I get home I will wash two mangoes and bite into them simultaneously. I imagine the soup/juice running down my arm and me licking it with my tongue. I feel a smile on my lips. So good! I am sorry if I grossed you out, but these are MY happy thoughts. Go have yours.

I become aware of my smiling and in that moment, I lock eyes with a bespectacled gentleman to my left (Lakini, if they are wearing glasses do we still call that locking eyes? These are important questions). I smile again, more awkwardly actually and he immediately responds by standing his over six foot (😉) self up and offering me his seat. Mayooo! What in the name of this does not happen in Kenya anymore is this man doing? Imagine I told him I am okay, and he responded by telling me, "No, you are too beautiful." Wueh! #ChivalryIsNotDead #YouAreBeautifulItsTrue...

Of course I know I am beautiful. In fact beautiful does not begin to even describe me, but I will take it (go roll your eyes ova theyaaaa 👉🏾) I accept the seat and thank him for his kindness.

"I was raised by a woman," is all he says.

I ask him where he gets off and coincidentally, that's my stop too. I was hoping he would continue with his journey so I could take that five minute walk I love in peace, but no, fate had other ideas.

"Thanks again for your kindness. I really appreciate." I tell him again when we shuka.

"I am not kind, just responsible and sensible."

"Well, whatever it is, it's appreciated."

He asks where I live so he can make sure I get home safe (No way I am telling him where I live. I have been watching too much of the ID (Investigative Discovery) channel on GoTv and I think my paranoia levels are up a few degrees. I decline the gesture. He asks if I am married. I say no. He throws a fist into the air and shouts "Yes!" He doesn't care if I am seeing someone, bora tu sio marriage.

I really am tired and I just want to go eat my mangoes. Surely. Fatigue says, "Just give him your number we see what he will do with it." He is 6ft after all. 

But this tall man and his nice spectacles and good manners and alcohol laced breath burnt his picture and failed all his ancestors when he asked, "Ni save nani?"

GASP!

Imagine we had just introduced ourselves less than five minutes ago. Cheki huyu. He had burnt the whole album. So I look up to heaven and tell God, "See your sons. These are the heirs to your kingdom. Fix it Lord! " 

So close!

Matatu Methali of the Week:  

Kabla hujanichukia, jiulize, je, una msaada gani kwangu?

Happy New Month! Have a good one!