"Kwani matatu chronicles iliendaga wapi?" A friend recently inquired. Well, its still here. The blogger is the one who had gone missing...but I am back. No fret!
I have been so busy chasing elephants, exploits you can read about here, that there is hardly any time left to write. So one day, while I was taking a break from the dusty plains of Samburu, in Nairobi, I boarded...no, took a taxi home. Upgrade nayo? Lol! I was feeling so rich and philanthropic, I offered to give two colleagues a lift. Also good for security, just incase this guy tried something.
About an hour later, we are approaching the Uhuru Highway roundabout when the driver asks,
"Mnadropiwa wapi?"
"Si Ngara?!?" I reply
"Aiii mimi sifiki ngara. Sikuambiwa Ngara mimi. Ngara siingi na hiyo jam ya globe"
See, when I called for a taxi, our office taxi guy had been busy so he sent one of his associates. I thought he had given him all the info regarding drop off and cost so I just got into the car and we had had a smooth drive till now.
"Wee mimi niko na mali ya kampuni hapa. Siwezi shukia njiani. Ndio maana nilipanda taxi. Wacha nipigie Njau" I told him.
I handed him the phone when Njau asked to speak to him.
"Huwa siongei na simu nikiendesha gari" He retorted. Never mind he'd received a couple of calls during this trip. Anyway, long story short, he finally agreed to take me to Ngara. My colleagues had long taken advantage of the jam and alighted. So its just me and him.
To lighten the already tense mood (what was I thinking?) we started talking, quite casually, about people who steal from other's sweat. He told me of times when he was a tailor and someone stole his blinders in town. It was quite a funny story, until he made this comment..."huyo ningempata ningemkatakata mbaya!" All of a sudden, I notice he's from Central Kenya...Meru County going by the accent. I also notice his very black lips and red eyes. Oi! Then he continues, "hata hapa niko na panga. Huwa sikosi panga hapa chini ya kiti na kafimbo huko kwa boot."
Wololo! Is he sending me a coded message? I wondered. He went ahead to give tales of how he had perpendicularly dealt with police officers and Kanju guys who had sought to either rip him off or arrest him for being or not being on the wrong. Like this one of the traffic officer who had got into his car and instructed him to drive to Central Police Station for jumping the traffic lights and evading arrest when the officer flagged him down. He took a detour and took the officer to Kangemi(From the UoN roundabout) and flashing the panga, told him to get out. "Huyo hata ningempeleka base, tungemkatakata tukiwa na wasee wengine wa taxi. Nilimsamehea tu."Not to mention the Kanju ladies he also took to Kangemi and had them handover all the money they had collected that day, of course while waving the famed panga. The cutting obsession quite evident here.
"This man's a psycho!" and the traffic wasn't helping much. Needless to say, the relief I felt when we took that Sarakasi turn! Priceless. I even tipped him for the scary trip, just incase he decided to lock the doors and add my tale to the ones he'd tell his next client(s).
I dont know if these stories were just fabrications or real(I didn't get to see the panga-thank God!) but I wouldn't take my chances with this man again. I think I'll stick to matatus, unless otherwise.
ION, I can't wait for the finest stop motion film Relief, by Mizani Pictures. Themed around stories like the one I've given above, what ails Nairobi. Read more here www.mizanipictures.wordpress.com
Remember, Mkia wa ng'ombe hauzeeki. Don't ask me what it means, it was a sticker on a matatu :D
Till next time...
