"Kama kupanda shuttle."
I was left wondering if they meant that it was super comfortable or that they didn't see the difference between a matatu shuttle and the aeroplane. I have not been on a plane for the past 5 years, so I was looking forward to this particular one this week just in case I have to wait another five years. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Anyway.
I have noticed that a lot of times when people post pictures of passports and boarding passes on social media, the class section is always covered. You may think it's angling for creative shots but no...it's for hiding. Hiding that they will be on seated in/on the economy class. Why? See suggested reasons below. I found a couple of similarities between matatus and the economy section.
1. Legroom
Do you ever get the feeling that a new bus or matatu comes fitted with just enough seats to allow everyone adequate legroom? Then the businessmen decide, "Comfort for who?"and install 100 extra seats? Well, I think that's what happens with planes as well. Kwanza if you are 6 feet tall and traveling on economy and your flight is meant to take more than one hour, #Resist! Just #Boycott.
2. Manspreading
So si people have hand luggage? And luggage is supposed to be put in those compartments up there? Ehe! My seatmate decided to sit with his many hand luggages which included a smaller version of these Naija bags, a briefcase and some sling bag there. Imagine! Meanwhile kumbuka tu tuko economy, legroom ni tricky! So I suggested (In English) that he put at least two overhead. Kumbe msee haelewi English. IssaFrencher! I try hand signals but by the time he gets the point, compartments are full. Don't ask how those things were arranged between his legs, therefore facilitating extreme manspreading. Sigh. I suffered. But not too much. I kept making random internal guesses on what he was carrying that he couldn't part with. What I found extremely hilarious though, was how the flight attendant tried to push the naija bag under the seat but it wouldn't budge. Reminds me of how conductors do that in matatus when they run out of space in the boot.gg
3. Language Barrier
Maybe this just happens to me, but have you ever travelled on a matatu where a random human decides to talk to you in a language of their choice that is neither English nor Kiswahili and expects you to understand? Me? Many times! And they insist even when you respond with a "sorry?" In their heads, they think you don't know sorry in whatever language they are insisting on. Again, let me shine the light on my seatmate.
As indicated earlier, I think his first language is French. Let me tell you how this man wanted to beat stories with me in French. Me I am not understanding. And I try to 'tell' him so. I should have taken them French lessons in primary school seriously. He points out the window and asks something in French, I shake my head. Repeat. Looks at me with eyes of "but why are you seated next to me if you can't speak my language?" I look at the time. Walalala. Twenty more minutes! Wait the food trolley reaches us. He orders coffee then asks for juice. After coffee and croissant combo, he realizes he might not want the juice after all. He offers it to me, again, in French. I think I have understood him and say no. He continues speaking. I think he doesn't understand why I am declining this gift. Ah. He hands it to the attendant who looks at it woefully.
4. The Hapa ni wapi people.
The place askers. We have all encountered them, no? They are usually pretty harmless curious sweethearts until they poke you from your sleep to ask you, "tuko wapi?" Again, mine is a pretty informed guess. I think my seatmate asked me where we were while cruising at sijui how many thousands of feet. Believe it or not, I looked out to where he was pointing and answered "Entebbe," and he nodded in appreciation. At least I did something right this time around.
5. Glued Shut windows
I used to get offended when I would find that matatu operators have glued the windows shut. Then I realized they were protecting us from those phone stealers on the prowl during traffic jams. Si aeroplane windows also don't open? The only difference is at least there is AC in the plane where you can inhale recycled air, as opposed to matatus where you just recycle air. Period.
I have therefore come to a conclusion. Stop envying people posting images of passports and boarding passes. Sometimes kumbe it's economy class which can be a struggle. The way you felt the days you would used a 14-seater matatu then a 10-seater shuttle overtakes you and say in your heart that one day you will reach that class, is the same way you will feel when you enter a plane and you have to walk to the baaaaaaack past the first and business classes. Humans never stop wanting or reaching for more, which is healthy most of the times. Just be sure to enjoy the good things at your current station as you eye 'better' things.
Bonus: Yogurt slurping monster! People are given spoon for drinking super thick yogurt but trashing happens. Then begins the loud prolonged slurpation and lip smacking. Let me just tell you won't miss a person or two who reminds you of that guy who buys food at every stop and chews as loudly as they can causing you to either salivate or feel extreme anger.
This plane has landed! See you next week!
