We cried for Soddom...

"Shukisha hapo Seldom!"

Wapi?

Seldom!

The tout hits at the door with his steely hands and shouts, "Dondoa Soddom!"

"Wewe! Sio Soddom, Seldom!" At this, everyone, well, almost everyone, bursts out laughing. The old man wasn't impressed that someone would turn a decent Seldom to Soddom.

"Wee Mzee, shuka. Si umefika?"

"Lakini ujue hapa si Soddom!!" He said as he alighted. "Wee unajua Soddom na Gomorrah kweli?"

I understand his fury. If you've read the Bible, you know that Soddom and Gomorrah were THE Sin cities. All the bad things you can think of happened there. So to tell this old man that he's going to a place with such a name, was sort of an insult. I tried not to look at the woman next to me, but I could feel her sides vibrate. Someone was amused.

Away from the side shows though, we, Kenyans, are officially a paranoid, scared and tired lot. We have resigned to fate, a Que Sera Sera attitude of sorts.This is especially with respect to the recent terror attacks on public institutions. First it was the attack on the Westgate Mall where a little over 60 people lost their lives, and most recently, a similar attack on a university in Garrissa  where we lost 147 of the most promising lot of young people. These events shook us as a country and even though the security agents are always giving speeches saying, "No stone will be left unturned" and "We shall not be cowed by the cowards", we still can't shake of the feeling of constant danger. This was evidenced recently in a matatu I had boarded home.

The driver had just pulled out of the bus stop and was navigating through the oh so so terrible traffic on our way out of the Central Business District. We had stopped for about a minute when we heard a blast! Suddenly, the hooting stopped and was replaced by screams and chaotic scampering. Before we could figure out what was going on, a woman seated on the opposite seat to mine said, "Wee tufungulie tushuke. Tutakufia hapa", all this while trying to push her not so slim frame to the front. Someone asked her where she was going and told her to calm down, and two or three others chimed in, "Saa huko nje unaenda kufanya nini? madam tulia..." She went back to her seat, seemingly confused and terrified, like the rest of us. Then it happened.

A cough here, another one there and then, "Open the windows!" "No close them" Hii teargas itatumaliza. It was teargas. The county council officers were trying to disperse the notorious hawkers from the CBD, and their brilliant idea was to fire teargas canisters and 8pm, a time when the Nairobi streets are teeming with both human and motor traffic. Needless to say, we couldn't have been more relieved when the roads opened up and the driver quickly whisked us to some fresh air (NOTE TO SELF: Always carry a wet handkerchief :D) You can imagine how much tension was still hanging in the air until someone at the back shouted,

"Shukisha hapo Seldom!"

Hawkers in running battles with city council askaris
Photo: Internet

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Hakuna stage inaitwa "Hapo dere!"

BEDBUGS

I have been listening to the news, and I'm worried.

The Headlines read: Nairobi neighbourhood grapples with bed bug infestation

My friend, bedbug infestation in this our small Nairobi. Now in addition to worrying about drunk drivers, traffic snarl ups, random bomb scares and thieving beings, I have to device ways to not become a carrier. You know, a bedbug carrier. You laugh. These things are serious.This is why I am freaking out.

1. Bedbugs do not fly, but they can move quickly over floors, walls, and ceilings. Female bedbugs may lay hundreds of eggs, each of which is about the size of a speck of dust, over a lifetime. Under favorable conditions the bugs can develop fully in as little as a month and produce three or more generations per year.

Someone from the affected neighbourhood gives the bugs a lift to town. They then take the same matatu/bus I am in and sit next to me. "Aaaah, fresh blood! Hii kwanza inakaaa tamu because of all the fruits and salads she eats #flattummyquest! Sluuuurp!" The bug would exclaim! And just like that it will go calling his/her comrades who also came to town, to test these new grounds. Then the cycle will continue. We will be at the mercy of the little monsters, especially because the females may lay hundreds of eggs before you finally get a hold of and execute her.

2.Their initial hiding places are typically in mattresses, box springs, bed frames, and headboards where they have easy access to people to bite in the night.

Aki! You all know how I love my sleep, I love mornings because they symbol unmerited favour, gift of life. I also kinda don't like them because I have to wake up and you know, work, and, and and...I just love my sleep. Rest assured these bugs wont give me a good night rest. Implications: I will fall asleep in the bus on my way to work(if the ones on transit don't get to me first), and risk that thieving character relieving me of my valuables or worse, missing my stop then having to explain to the boss that because bedbugs, therefore I am late. Excuse my English.

3) Most bedbug bites are painless at first, but later turn into itchy welts. Bedbug bites are on any area of skin exposed while sleeping. 

Welt: A red, swollen mark left on flesh 

Sisi kama rangi ya thao community need not blemishes. Everyone knows that people have met their better halves in matatus and they've lived happily ever after. Of course! I am just saying, all the itching and the resulting welts wont make you attractive. No matter what they tell you, the first physical attraction definitely counts :D 

So how are we going to counter this? I have a few suggestions:

1) Buy a car and never give lifts. 

2)Protect yourself: While using public transport, insulate yourself with some sort of material...sanasana juala; do not expose any skin. Oh, aki this one is for the already hitched ones. Lol!
  

3) Install a hot shower and a have change of clothes for you and your guests right next to the gate. The used clothes must be set ablaze.

4) Start eating bitter herbs and taking mwarubaine(Neem plant juice). Bugs are rarely on a diet. Your blood will become bitter and they won't like that, so they'll leave with their young and unborn ones, because they do not want any one of them to go through such injustice. 

Finally.

Because bedbugs live solely on blood, having them in your home is not a sign of dirtiness. You are as likely to find them in immaculate homes and hotel rooms as in filthy ones. So relax. As soon as your blood becomes tasteless to the new generation bugs, they'll move.

Even so, I hope, pray that matatus will still keep the seats clean. Yesterday, my friend and I encountered a huge cockroach in the matatu. Have bug free rides this Easter season yo!

Additional information from:

http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/guide/bedbugs-infestation