6 things to learn from a tout in Kenya

Touts can be a real pain. Some have frustrated me more than I care to talk about, but here's the sunny side; there are lessons, positive ones we can learn from them...


1. Optimism/ Seeing the bigger picture

Have you ever gone to a matatu terminus looking to get to your destination as fast as possible? You look around at the busses to see which one is almost full and board it. Sometimes though, you have to rely on the conductor's word. Ever noticed how the bus or mat always needs only one to four people to get full? "Wanne Karen, wanne siste! Gari ya haraka!"You get in, flag down the disappointment of seeing an almost empty vehicle and just sit down when the other passengers give you that face..."Woiye we've been waiting like forever...kaa tu ijae" Shock on you when the 'hired passengers' alight when the bus is almost full! Sigh!

Lesson: Maybe they are just a plain lying lot, lol! But these touts always see the bigger picture even if the situation seems hopeless. As they say, "Haba na haba hujaza kibaba" You will soon jaza gari and be on your way :)

2. #FinanceThings

 Hehe, I'm sure these guys handle a whole load of money everyday. At the end of the day, they need to have fuelled the vehicle, remitted the owner his share and finally pay the driver and of course himself. To achieve these targets, he must charge the correct fare (leave those thieving ones who charge double on seeing a drop of rain), complete the squads required and keep his pockets under lock and key. Hakuna gari ya 10 bob by the way...and they accept nothing less than what is 'theirs'. Best bet you'll be thrown out. Some of these altercations have of course ended tragically and should never be encouraged.

Lesson: Same way touts don't accept 10 sweets in exchange for money. Don't accept it at the supermarket! know your rights! Oh, and be a good manager of your finances.

3. Persistence

What? The number of words these lads say per minute multiplied by the almost 24 hours they work, is impressive! And all this just to convince you to get into their vehicle. They need to earn that wage at the end of the day after all. All you'll need to succeed in this job is super strong vocal cords, bottles of water and a hand made of steel...to hit that side of the bus seriously.

Lesson: No, the lesson here is not to keep shouting. Wait, actually it is! Metaphorically, that is. Whatever your line of work, it definitely needs proper attention. Furnish yourself with whatever tools you need to succeed (super strong vocal cords, bottles of water and a hand made of steel), and then work. Work very hard! Work smart. It won't be long before you see the results.

4. Know the route

Ever met a tout who doesn't know the different stops by name? No. OK, unless its a newbie. But newbies are always accompanied by an oldie/veteran. When going somewhere new, you always ask the conductor if they'll pass this route and if the bus stops at a certain place. They know where they are going. In case of a traffic jam or any other inconvenience, you always hear the tout telling the driver to change the route. Eh, but these tu panya routes are almost always very bumpy you might end up with a broken back or a sore head from hitting the roof every time there is contact with a pothole!

Lesson: Be clear about your life goals and which stops you'll probably make along the way. Sometimes, things happen and you have to take detour. Have a back up plan somewhere. You'll need it. Oh, and as a bonus, si you just mentor someone bila chuki? It adds to your knowledge and grasp of work.

5. Know and have a good working relationship with your colleagues.

The driver and conductor gel like....I don't know. What do people jell like? In short, they get along, and even when they don't, it never gets in the way of work-at least not that I have seen. Ma domez baadaye! 

Lesson: Try and get along with your colleagues, you spend half of your day with them anyway. Never let #workbeefs get in the way of your productivity.

6. Fitness is Key

I'm sure you are wondering what this is all about. Have you ever encountered a fat  oversize tout? Here's why they need to be fit:

a) That superman thing they do when they run on the tarmac and then 'fly' while holding onto that bar at the door. SMH!
b) Most of the matatu aisles are not very wide...leaving very little room to maneuver while collecting bus fare. I'll just stop here with this one.
c) #Kanjothings. Your feet will heal you (mguu niponye). 
d) Them times when you have had to share the 14th seat with him/her because you are running late. A fat  one would push you until you sit on air.
...and many others.

Lesson: Take care of yourself. Usijiachilie. Fullstop.

TO BE CONTINUED...